St. Louis University High School

• All applications should be completed and turned into Mrs. Berger in the Guidance and Counseling Office by February 1
• Financial aid forms (FAFSA) should be completed and mailed by January 31.
• Seniors should notify their counselor of admissions decisions as they receive them.
• Appointments as needed

Separation Anxiety

Parents please have your son read the following section of the newsletter.

A universal part of adolescent development is the separation process: separating from parents, separating from a state of dependence to becoming "one's own person" (establishing one's identity); separating from imposed rules and morals to a position of testing one's own values. With this process of separation often comes confusion, anxiety, and/or periodic depression, what is sometimes called "separation anxiety." Second semester of senior year is often when signs of separation anxiety appear. Some possible signs for parent to watch for are:

1. Senior Slump (senioritis): "Why should I work? It doesn't count or mean anything anymore." or "I've worked hard at SLUH, and now I deserve a break before college starts."
2. Lethargy: Lying around a lot, loss of motivation to work or to devote time and energy to interests and activities which have been significant previously at school or at home.
3. Irritability: More arguing, apathy, etc.
4. Staying away from home more than in the past: creating distance.
5. Inability (or unwillingness) to make decisions: "I don't care," "You decide," "It doesn't matter," etc.

What To Do:

Parents should be aware that some of the behaviors and attitudes are "normal." Everyone (adults, too!) experiences some anxiety, confusion, and uncertainty when a major transition lies just ahead (a career change, a separation or divorce, a move to a new home). In order to help your son cope with this anxiety and uncertainty ("Will I get into my desired colleges?" "Can I succeed in college?" "Can I make it on my own?") parents can follow these simple guidelines:

1. Don't push: Rather than pressure your son by constant questioning, moralizing, or lecturing, let you son know that you understand how he feels (confused, anxious, scared). Let him know that you are a good listener. Rather than getting pulled into a fight by your son's attitude, tell him that you would like to work on things together with him, that you would like to know about what's bothering him, etc. By beginning to treat your son as an adult in conflict situations, you are giving him good practice in learning alternative, more adult ways to resolve conflicts when he is "on his own" at college.
2. Loosen up on imposed rules. Obviously, even seniors need some structure, but many rules and regulation that are appropriate for younger students (curfew, hairstyles, grounding) are not always appropriate for seniors. Again, help your son to become responsible for himself by communication, by care, and by making your concerns known to him, but also by allowing him to make some of his own decisions and living with the consequences. This will again, be invaluable practice for next year when you won't physically be with your son if he leaves St. Louis.
3. Finally, if your son is extremely anxious, depressed a lot, or is not responding to your attempts to understand and help him, call his counselor.

Note: A great book on the topic is Letting Go by Karen Coburn and Madge Lawrence Treeger. The book is published by Adler Publishing.

Ten Commandments of College Admissions for Seniors

1. Pay close attention to all deadlines!
2. Be sure to know what tests and courses you need for admissions.
3. Consult the college catalogues for information about numbers one and two.
4. Ask your counselor anytime you are in doubt about any information - do not use your friends as a source of information.
5. Meet the college admissions representatives every chance you get.
6. Take time with your applications.
7. Always make copies of everything you send to the college.
8. If the process gets you down, see your counselor.
9. Don't discuss college stuff at the dinner table.
10. Pay close attention to all deadlines!